Wednesday, December 31, 2014

2014 - Then This Post - Then 2015


I have but one New Year's resolution: EFFING WRITE MORE!  I have been remiss, especially in the last month or so.  


2014 saw the launch of one of the most riveting and influential blogs in all of Thornburg, Va.  This one, Pedestrian Politics and Economics far outstrips the local competing blog Lawnmower Engines and the Men Who Love Them.  This morning I established the coveted Spotsylvania Award for Journalistic Excellence, sort of a Pulitzer for rednecks, and promptly awarded it to me.  

And why not?  In less than a year we made the case against the existing US foreign policy in the Middle East in three posts, discussed kissing, corruption, mob rat #7 and almost single-handedly brought an end to Jay Carney's career (I have a few regrets there.)

2014 also saw the launch of Operation Moron, with the mission of dumping the top four in the House and Senate and positioning the Republicans for the White House in 2016.  Now that this blog holds the highly respected SAJE the Republicans will surely sit up and listen.


But if you think my previous, barely understandable rants were perhaps a bit too harsh, stand by.  I intend to piss off everyone this year.  Before the year is out, I will upset people from every race, creed and sex, or lack thereof.  It seems that the only way to motivate Americans is to tweak their noses and run away laughing.  I am just the man for that job.

I make this promise:  I will do my level best to present views that are at least arguable on a reasonable level.  While I will leave your nose feeling properly tweaked, it will be because my argument is strong; not because I think daisies spring out of my butt every time I post something.  I will also strive to be right.   But then, when am I not?  (For those of you just tuning in, I am always right…and damn good-lookin'!)  Further, I promise to do all these things more often, so long as She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed has no objections or has no chores for me to do. 

I'd like to think that as the new year unfolds mentors like George Will and CK will look at this blog with pride; the kind of pride a man has for his 27 year-old son who stops licking windows and takes a position as a carnival barker - or Al Sharpton's hairdresser - eew.  And I humbly hope that your New Year's resolution will be to share and comment on every syllable this award-winning blog publishes in 2015.

Sunday, December 21, 2014

I May Be Losing Touch With Reality!

I never thought I'd see the day that I'd miss these two people.  I remember when they did their jobs, I was left thinking that sticking needles in my eyes would be more fun than listening to them.  But I should be more careful for that which I wish.

The Previous Migraine

The first of these two talking crucibles is Sean Hannity.  When he first reached national prominence, he was almost acceptable.  You could tell he wasn't the sharpest tool in the box, but he was personable and self-depricating in a genuine and funny way.  But soon after getting his own radio gig, he got arrogant and lazy.  The arrogant part was the most grating.  He was too far below par to have ever let go of his original "aw shucks" personae.  He developed a pathetic phony laugh and wouldn't have had a show but for the Drudge Report.

He is also a terrible interviewer.  When you don't want to know what a guest has to say, just watch Hannity or catch his radio show.  He filibusters, then asks some of the most blatantly loaded Have-you-stopped-beating-your-wife questions.  His unfortunate guest would get two words out and Hannity would be off again.  He's like O'Rielley without the presence.  (Full disclosure:  I dislike O'Reilly for the same reasons.  O'Reilly should do his opening commentary and sign off every night.)

I used to get empathetically embarrassed for Hannity when he'd run out of material while interviewing any liberal.  You would know this because he'd shout,  "What about Bill Ayres?  What about Jeremiah Wright?"  And he'd be totally out of context.  I haven't watched his TV show for a while, but I imagine he still does it.

A Migraine on Steroids

So it was such a relief to hear that WMAL was taking his drive-time slot away.  That is radio prime-time.  It belongs to talented, interesting people.  Little did I know how much worse a drive time talk show could be.  Enter Michael Savage.  As a radio host, he is the worst of all worlds.  He is unfocused.  He can barely maintain a train of thought unless he is reading someone else's work, or worse, his own.  He reads passages (long ones) from his own books frequently, peppering the segments with claims about how he never reads his own stuff on the air because he really hates to do so.  He frequently misses points his callers are making and launches into the most ignorant rants that not only grate, but often leave the caller and listeners frustrated.  He frequently blots out the seeds of great points that could have been made.

His most  ludicrous attribute is his claim to have discovered everything and to have been the first to have explained it.  About some of the most mundane and stale topics he'll say something like, "You (the listener) don't know this.  Only I know this.  And I will explain it to you."  The emphasis on "I" is his.

Marry all this to a stereotypical New York accent and the most whiney, self-important delivery you are ever likely to hear from a paid radio personality and you have what many Americans hear during every evening commute.  I have tuned in recently to see if this clown had a single redeeming quality worth mentioning for this article.  I quickly return to oldies or even subject myself to NPR (whichever of their radio stations' isn't trying to sell me a coffee mug for $75).

Is it possible that I actually miss Hannity?!

A Glimmer of Hope?

There is a rather witty and interesting talk jock, Larry O'Connor who has been co-hosting the morning drive with Brian Wilson, inarguably the gentleman journalist of DC.  O'Connor came to WMAL from Breitbart and has been doing a bang-up job in a chair that has changed hands quite a few times over the years.  For a few months now, in addition to his morning show, O'Connor has been bumping Savage from his third hour, every night with show called "The Drive at Five." It's not exactly a title you precede with a drum roll.  But it is bloody good radio.  O'Connor holds his own very nicely, has good "gets" to interview and makes the hour fly by.  I now find myself tuning into WMAL to check and see if he is on yet.  If I hear a jackass talking about his digestive disorders or demonstrating a complete misunderstanding of some of the most common events, I know O'Connor isn't on yet.

I'd like to respectfully request WMAL find a new sidekick for Wilson and give Larry his own gig from 3-6 every afternoon.  But for the love of knowledge and reason, dump Savage.  He makes the station look stupid.  Even Hannity would be an improvement, but there is enough real talent out there that you shouldn't have to bring Hannity back.  You could try putting the Conservative Black Chick on with Wilson in the morning and O'Connor in the afternoon.

From the Weird to the Absolutely Hysterical

The other guy I miss is Jay Carney.  He makes appearances here and there, now and then, commenting on the issues of the day.  But that isn't the same as watching his lip curl from the White House podium.  I found him an annoyance on his best day.  Little could I know that his replacement would make him appear almost human; hell, practically likable.

The present WH press secretary is Josh Earnest (now there's a name for you).  This guy is the most self-righteous, grating, smug spokesbitch to ever disgrace the podium.  Don't you want to just whole-hand him across the side of his head him every time he opens his smarmy mouth?   He is perfect for this administration.  For Carey's part, you knew when he was lying, something he did every single day, because his lip would curl.  At least he had enough dignity to be uncomfortable with the task.  But Earnest?  He glides through the cesspool of crap like a ballerina.  And if any of the two or three REAL journalists in the room DARE to question his endless stream of crap, he is nakedly condescending.  First you lie, then you condescend.  A perfect fit for the entire administration.

I would like to offer my sincere apology to every American for being personally responsible for the downfall of Carney and the rise of Earnest.

Okay, okay!  So MAYBE it wasn't this blog that was ENTIRELY responsible.  But I still feel bad.  I feel especially guilty when I think of the fake reporters who not only sit through the gelatinous flow of feces that stinks up the press room; they have to pretend to believe it and THEN write or talk about it.  Poor, illegitimate bastards.   (Wait…that was redundant, but not.  I am really not questioning their parentage, only their professional ethics and skepticism.)

If anyone sees Jay, tell him I'm sorry and the poker invitation still stands.